I’ve really been thinking about everything and reflecting on my life and as I get older I’ve gotten to know myself better. I have realized just how strong my commitment to God and my family is. The values of my family as well as my religion have been instilled within my heart. No matter what I do and how I may try or want to change, this part of me will remain constant. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to go out, party, and drink my life away and make reckless choices, but the truth is- that’s simply not who I am. Some people do not understand that or accept it but that’s really not my problem. I see people crying and moaning about choices they have made with boyfriends and regrets that they have. I know that I am strong enough to not put myself in those situations because I know better.
As I get older I am also realizing how people use things to make them happy. There are people in my family who are always concerned with getting materialistic things and then bragging about it to others. They always make a grand gesture about the new stuff that they got. And I am just trying really hard to stay away from that type of thinking. Of course I have a list of things to get myself but I want to feel happy even without all the materialistic things. Money gives a person the ability to be happy but it in no may MAKES you happy. To me pure happiness is being content with yourself and your company.
Other than that I also have recently made the decision to really focus on myself. I am going to start being more proactive on campus and taking control of my future. Academics have always been really important to me and I am going to continue to excel but try to be more social. This week I am going to suck it up and go to a new club and see where it goes. Its time that I stop depending on other people to come with me and just do it myself. I can always make new friends.
I am super excited to see where the future takes me and I can not wait to travel and see new things. For now I am going to start small and see what my area has to offer and really spend more time in the city. I absolutely love being there even if its just to walk around aimlessly.
I am so tired of hearing about marriage. For some reason everyone is consumed in finding a life partner at the age of 18. Like yes, I understand. But you should also understand that you make a life for yourself and you have to be happy with yourself before you meet someone. When I hear about marriage I literally have a knot in my throat and feel like running for the hills. I think its because I’m young and there is still so much I want to do before I get tied down.
With that being said, for the past 39 months, I have been dating the same boy. Its so crazy to think that when we first got together, I was 16? like holy shit does time go by fast. Like any couple, we have had our ups ad downs but more than anything he makes me happy. We have stuck together and really grown and learned from each other. Sometimes I think about just how much things have changed for us and it was all for the better. Right now we are both at a point in our lives where we are trying to establish a career for ourselves. He and I are both taking school very seriously and working long nights to get the results we want. The best part about this all is that we serve as each other’s support systems. He has always taken care of me and really accepted me for who I am. And for that I am forever grateful to have him in my life. Of course, I still want to run for the fucking hills when think about marriage. But I really do love this boy more than I could say.
If someone actually read all of this, you can stop now.
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Skier: Mark Hendrickson
Film/Edit: Brent Callow/ 403media
Skiing is cool too
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